so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
