Whod you bang
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
