you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
