The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize