see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
