Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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