i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
