i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
