i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize