No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
