Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
