don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
