How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
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Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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