Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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