We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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