So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
