My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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