Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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