Im at strip club and am horny
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i think i have two assholes
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
