My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
