i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
