remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
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No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
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I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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