She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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