PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
