every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He? As in you personified your dick?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
