your parents love me but you hate me
This is not my ceiling
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
