Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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