Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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