i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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