I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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