a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
