No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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