What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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