i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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