She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
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Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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