I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
