i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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