i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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