hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
