You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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