No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize