you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
