even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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