she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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