She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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