Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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