i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
