Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
