Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
