I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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