I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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