He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
