JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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