I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
