Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
