are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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