Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She's the barista slut.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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