he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
