If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
