i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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