is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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