My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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