Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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